Top Ten Things You Don’t Want to Hear Your Pilot Say

“I’ll take, ‘Things You Don’t Want to Hear Your Pilot Say,’ Alex.”

“OK, and the answer is, ‘Whoops.'”

That’s what I heard this morning in Wichita on the runway. I was in Seat 1A so I had a birdseye view of the copilot, who looked to be about 12. I could hear both to them and as soon as the plane started to move I heard the pilot say, “Whoops.” The tunnel thing had not been moved back yet. I realize they didn’t hire the guy for his mechanical prowess, but it is a pretty big thing.

Shortly thereafter, they closed the flight deck door and locked them inside. They say that’s for security reasons. I contend there are other no less valid reasons.

On the upside – and please note how I’m finding the positive side – it was beautiful flying above the clouds with the sun rising. The only problem being that I was already inflight by the time the sun was rising.

And, yet another positive, the annoying teenagers were somewhere else in the plane and were drowned out by the noise of the airplane. It was one of those baby planes. They’re noisier.

Now I’m in Houston. I cringe everytime I hear Bush International Airport, although I do like Houston. There are lots of people at the gate waiting, which isn’t good. I was hoping we’d have a less full flight so I could sleep a bit. There’s also a four year old screaming to amuse herself. She’s probably as tired as I am. I’d scream too if I thought it would do any good.

Maybe I’ll send this to Letterman… Top Ten Things You Don’t Want to Hear Your Pilot Say.