In a few hours I will mark 50 trips around the sun. I feel perpetually 28, but the calendar says otherwise.
I have a few gray hairs and so far don’t feel the need to dye them back to my natural brown. The day may come. The day may be tomorrow. But for now I’m content.
I have a few lines, but I think I’ll just let them be a road map of a life that has been lived. I’ve not always taken the safe road, and I have no regrets about that. But those rocky roads do tend to lead to a few more gray hairs and a few more lines. But that’s okay.
I’m not going to be one of those women who pretends to be something she’s not. I’m 50. My body has been moving upon this earth for five decades. It has a little wear and tear. My mind has also been working on this earth for five decades. It’s pretty darned interesting.
Not everyone gets to live even one dream, and I’ve been blessed to watch the world come together like an orchestra with a seasoned conductor to make mine possible more than once.
I’ve lusted, loved and left. I’ve sought, stretched and stonewalled. I’ve given into my whims, and I’ve done the responsible thing. I’ve taken off too soon and I’ve tarried too long. I’ve longed for, and I’ve let go of. I’ve been kissed on the banks of the Nile and given my cares to the confluence of the Ohio and Mississippi rivers. I’ve bundled up against the cold of the early morning Paris snow, and soaked in the warmth of a long evening in the lushness of Nicaragua. I’ve prayed alone inside the Pyramid of Unas and with the masses at St. Peter’s. I am a very, very, very lucky girl.
The people I’ve met along the way are incredible. How fortunate am I? I have people in my world I know I can count on in any situation. We may not rely on each other for the small things, but when there’s a problem it’s like Ghostbusters – Who you gonna call? I have a wide circle of friends and acquaintances who add texture to my existence. I have a friend I’ve been having lunch with almost every week for nearly 20 years. You build up some trust in that amount of time. That is a commitment. I have my Creative Sisterhood group, and the connections of people I’ve gone on retreat with. And I’ve been blessed to have amazing men in my life over the years. If you’ve read here for very long, you know I keep my private life pretty private, but suffice it to say I’ve been fortunate. Although I’m not in love at the moment, who knows what tomorrow holds.
It has been a good 50 years. Each decade has had an unintentional focus. My twenties were wild. My thirties were exploratory. My forties were using all I’d learned up until then to come to some new conclusions.
The fifties? Well, we shall see…
And isn’t that the most wonderful part of life?