Tonight I had a lengthy and intense conversation with a friend. As conversations go, it was a seamless transition from one topic to another, although I’d be hard pressed now to explain how that happened.

I’m once again struck by how rare it is to have “real” conversation. Not conversation about the jetsam and flotsam of life, but real things. Things that matter. Things that affect you. Things that you care about, sometimes even when you don’t want to care about them. Things that make you who you are, including things you’re not proud of.

It requires both people to be open, to take risks, to accept that what they say will be treated with gentleness. It requires vulnerability, something most of us are loathe to extend to our fellow humans. It requires believing we can count on kindness for parts of ourselves even we have difficulty with.

I left the conversation with no regrets. I hope the same for him.

I was able to have lunch with my friend, Jon, today. We hadn’t seen each other in months. I’ve been missing him.

Lunch with a friend is one of my great pleasures in life. I think maybe because I grew up where such things just weren’t really possible because it was the country, I still love that. There’s something magical about sharing food and conversation with people.

As always, we had a wide-ranging conversation, including the state of politics in Kansas at the moment which is sad, to say the least.

Then I spent the afternoon at a client’s house and have been working on various projects since I got home. It seems I spend a tremendous amount of time at the computer!

I did finish up a couple of things that had been languishing, so that was nice. This is one of them.

Today marks my four year anniversary of being self-employed. Of course, like many businesses, it didn’t start out so cleanly.

I was doing a lot of freelance work, in addition to my fulltime position at the Cosmosphere doing PR. About six months earlier I had started thinking about quitting and trying to make a go of it doing only freelance work, but – let me be honest here – I didn’t have the guts. I was doing all the freelance I could – there just wasn’t any more time to devote to it. But, I was hesitant to leave the comfort of a full time job.

Then on June 8, 2011, I was called into the CEO’s office at the Cosmosphere and told my job had been eliminated and that it would be my last day. I was in shock. We’d just done a huge, successful event. They had just hired someone to raise money. They had hired an ad agency to handle the marketing. I felt like I would finally be able to concentrate again on the things I’d been hired to do – PR, social media, etc. But, instead I was told they were giving all that to the ad agency and events to the new hire.

When something like this happens, people surprise you. Some in one direction, some in another. As soon as I posted the news, I got a phone call from my friend, Kristine. We were working on a project together and had agreed that we’d each take $1000, and use $1000 for the materials for the project. We had agreed that I’d be paid at the end of the project, which was fine. We were about one-third of the way through it.

When I answered the phone, what I heard was, “It’s Kristine. I just read your message. Do NOT take another job before you talk to me.” We made plans to get together the next day. When I arrived, she handed me a check and said, “I want to go ahead and pay you now. I trust you to complete the project.” I thanked her and told her it wasn’t necessary – that I had some money in the bank. She insisted I take the check. “I don’t want you to be financially stressed in any way and take a job you won’t be happy in,” she said. “I think you’ll be happiest working for yourself.” I was sure she was correct about that, and was hoping it would all work out that way, but had no idea then what was going to happen.

Her kindness, unexpected and unbidden, is a gesture I will never forget. It was a perfect example of someone putting themselves in your shoes. Plus, it wasn’t about the money, it was about her belief that all was possible. She had faith – enough for both of us.

Things at the Cosmosphere continued to change. Within a few months the ad agency had been let go. Not too long after that the CEO was gone. By now the development person is also gone. And the Cosmosphere is just as cool as it ever was. It’s a wonderful place with some great, dedicated people who work there. I have nothing but love!

For the next few weeks I tried to help in any way I could, to the point that friends were saying I was being *way* too generous. But, I always like to do what’s best for the organization and be as kind to everyone as I can in the process. The Cosmosphere is such an incredibly neat place, and we are so fortunate to have it in town, I would never have wanted to do anything that would harm it in any way. I’m thankful for my time there. It was a very cool job, and I’ve been fortunate enough to have some really cool jobs!

Although I was upset that day by the shock, I knew it was meant to be. When I did my exit interview, the person said, “You don’t seem very upset.” “This is one of those ‘everything happens for a reason’ situations,” I said. And I meant it. Even though I was still distraught at the unexpected nature of the situation.

I didn’t miss that it was like God was looking down saying, “Girlfriend, I’ve been trying to help you. But you are just too dense to get it. Job keeping you from going out on your own? No problem. I got that taken care of.”

That day while I was cleaning out my office – no easy task because I personalize any space I inhabit, so there’s always some packing to do – some people stopped by to say goodbye. I so appreciated the CEO writing an email that day, telling people my position had been eliminated and that it wasn’t because of anything I had done or not done. It was nice. It gave people permission to talk to me. Some did. Some didn’t. That’s how these things go.

It was the height of the recession and although I did do a lot of hunting for a traditional job, there wasn’t much to be found. Meanwhile I just kept doing what I was doing, and my client list built up with some incredible people and organizations doing fantastic things. I am so, so, so fortunate. By the time unemployment ran out (the first time in my life I’d ever had that!), I was sure I’d be able to make a go of it.

I feel so incredibly fortunate. Most of those clients are ones I still work with. Every client I work with is doing something I believe in, and creating things that astonish me. They are all dedicated and I’m honored to be a little part of their success.

For the first time I’m going to mark the occasion with a nice dinner out with a friend. I feel so blessed. It’s worth celebrating!

Often in the last few years I’ve been involved in conversations where “young” has been extolled as the most virtuous and sought-after quality for a group, project or organization. This is often said in a group that includes me and two or three other people who do not fit the very quality of “young” that is being sought. As best I can tell, we are supposed to be flattered that we are “included” in the young discussion and have no concerns that when we’re not present the things that are being said about other people over 30 who are not currently present are not being said about us when we’re not around. You’ll forgive me if I’m skeptical of that.

I believe age to be no more an indication of the quality of someone’s character and worth than their skin color. I have grown incredibly weary of this infatuation with only wanting the input of the “young,” however that is defined.

My reaction these days is to simply walk away from whatever project it is. It’s the same mentality as a racist would exhibit – being judged on an arbitrary factor that has no real bearing on how valid a person’s input is. I’m not comfortable with that. At all.

You’re essentially telling me that my ideas and my input are not welcome because I’m over 30 or whatever cut-off you’ve set for “young.” And when you, yourself, reach 30 or 40 or 50 or whatever it is, will you then step aside because your ideas are no longer valid? That is the question I can never seem to get a real answer to. That’s when it’s mentioned that anyone is welcome to the group. Of course, that’s not really true for groups that have an age cutoff until it applies to their members who have reached that age cutoff.

This “young” conversation happened on Thursday, Friday and Saturday of this week in different groups about different topics, although there was some overlap. On two of those days, I was taken aback by the public berating of people who were not in attendance and deemed to be not “young” and therefore not valid. Goodness knows I’ve been guilty of that from frustration before, too. And this situation offers much opportunity for frustration, including from me, too. But, I hope I remember how unflattering it is the next time a situation arises when I’m tempted to air my grievances in a public setting. My frustrations in one of these cases has nothing to do with age, and I bit my lip to keep from sharing. It would have been cathartic, to say the least. But I’m not sure it would have served any real purpose.

It caused me to reflect on each of these circumstances, and I realized that in every case the things that have been created, that are thriving, that are inspiring people to want “young” people involved – all of them were created by people over 40 – most by people over 50. None of the “young” people who are so desperately sought have created a meaningful product. Some have done it in conjunction with someone else with more age and connections, but none by themselves. Forgive me for being results oriented, but what is the point, then? Why not just seek people who are inspired and passionate and enthusiastic regardless of their age? What is “young” bringing to the finished product? I contend it’s not “young” that’s bringing anything of value, but it’s the character and passion of the person who may or may not be “young.”

I’m afraid that most of what I have heard in the last few days were complaints about young people not being involved in the things created by others. And, yet, the last time I was involved on the board of one of these organizations and a “young” person was added to the board she was downright rude to the director and the rest of the board in trying to push through her ideas, many of which had gaping holes of logic in them. When it was suggested we investigate possibilities of some of her thoughts, she threw a little hissy fit and stormed out. I was not impressed. She was well-respected locally for being a “young” go-getter. Sorry, but this is not the way to get things done.

What she accomplished was made that board very, very, very hesitant about ever inviting anyone else like her onto the board. And I can’t say I blame them. Guess what? They don’t want input from “young” people now. So you wonder why you can’t get them interested in welcoming you? Thank those who pushed getting a “young” person onto the board in the first place with no thought to whether or not the person had anything of value to contribute. Those pushing “young” people created a circumstance where it’s far less likely to ever happen again because the only quality they deemed important was age. Is that fair? No. But it’s as fair as just wanting a “young” person in the mix. You got what you wanted. The experience was incredibly negative. It will take a lot of effort to overcome that.

Sometimes people who’ve been around for awhile know something won’t work because they’ve been down that road. I’m always up for trying new things that make sense. I’m not interested in going down a dead end I’ve already traveled. And I’m unclear why you’d want to try and do it if there’s valid evidence it isn’t workable. If there’s a new idea, lets go for it. If it has already failed, why keep banging our heads? Lets find a different way.

I’ve been serving on boards since I was in my 20s. As I have gotten older, I have tried to be a mentor to young people who wanted to be involved in the community. Some are better suited than others. Just as some 60 year olds are better suited than others.

It’s always wonderful to partner with people on projects who come from different backgrounds and have different circles of people to draw from. One factor in that may be age, but it’s only one factor. Why get so bogged down in it? It’s the same as saying I only want to partner with blonde people.

Being “young” does not automatically mean a person has good ideas. Being older does not automatically mean a person has nothing to offer. Judging people based on age is exactly the same as judging them based on their race – it’s meaningless. It’s not a flattering position to be in – for anyone – of any age.