As I write this, the Pope is close to death. His life has affected all of us on this globe, not just Catholics. I’m not a member of the Catholic faith, but when John Paul came to be Pope, after such a short time by his predecessor, my best friend was Catholic. It was such a huge event to her and I’ve never forgotten that.

It was the first time we had experienced this, because we had been too young when the previous Pope had been selected. Then, we experienced it twice in a very short amount of time.

I’m touched that the Pope has elected to remain in his residence, knowing that he has no hope without aggressive antibiotic treatment, and minimal even then. He is ending his life with dignity. Reports are that he has been peaceful and serene and conscious – praying and being read to – and accepting. It seems like as beautiful a death as one can hope for.

He is being allowed to exit this world as he wishes, as God wishes, with no one fighting over his choices.

I spent the day in a seminar at Prairie View in Newton today titled, “The Dark Side – the Shadow Within.” It was about how to recognize and accept the parts of us that are what the worst of humanity can be. We did some exercises to identify the masks we present to the world, and how that affects how we relate to people.

One of the exercises was to identify a number of things about our primary caregivers when we were children. The purpose was to find the point at which we lost the childlike bit of us that is open and has no malice and is all truth and something breaks in us and leads us to form our mask.

A truth that was hard for me was to hear the three fundamental childhood wounds – betrayal, rejection and abandonment. Every child encounters trauma, pain, unhappiness, rejection, helplessness, etc. – real or perceived – so every child will be “broken” at some point. But, those fundamentals are huge ones.

Depending on your wound, you develop a fight, flight or freeze mentality. I have a mask of “power” – I’m in control. In one of the exercises, I wrote the following, “When I feel under the gun, I become insistent about others doing it my way. I don’t have time to explain or be questioned. Just do what I say. It won’t get done otherwise.” If that doesn’t work, my next mask is “serenity,” which is the “well… whatever you want to do… I’m not going to get involved.”

I’m going to have to spend some time thinking and journaling about the compulsion to recreate childhood wounds. I know I must address some things in my world.

Another one I need to work on is my projections about others, and what those say about me.

I left with much to think about… obviously.

Last night I promised to make some correspondence cards with butterflies on them for an Altrusa project. They will be part of a basket for a silent auction at our district conference next month.

I have not ever drawn a butterfly that I can recall, but thought it must not be too difficult. So, I got online and started looking for some photos of butterflies. I’ve never looked at butterflies except in passing but there are many different shapes and sizes. I’ve done a few different quick sketches to see what I think would work best.

I think I’ll just cut some watercolor paper to the correct sizes and use it for the cards. I think I’ll make correspondence cards, not fold over ones. Maybe I’ll do a light wash over the whole card. We’ll see once I get into it what it ends up being.

I was supposed to have a knitting night with Andrea and Diana tonight to make prayer shawls but Andrea had a little plumbing emergency at her house so we had to cancel. I didn’t get the details but it involved water on the kitchen floor and a plumber so it can’t have been good.

I have had a quieter day today, other than a lunchtime meeting. Yesterday I literally talked all day long. It was all good, but I was tired of talking by the end of the day. I don’t know that that has ever happened to me before. And I used to talk for a living when I worked in radio. lol

I started with breakfast with Susan K. We had a great conversation about how our agencies can work together on a project. I *love* good collaboration projects.

Then I went to the office and was on the phone all morning. Trish and I had lunch and that was wonderful, as always. She is someone who’s friendship I treasure.

The afternoon was full of phone calls. Seems like that’s just how some days go and yesterday was one of them. I had dinner plans with Julie and then we were meeting some other folks for an impromptu Altrusa gathering. We visited until about 9, which was more than 12 hours of talking for me, but it was a nice day. Just full.

Tomorrow I will go to Newton for a seminar on the mind-body-spirit connection. Most of my friends are going to the evening gathering, but I can’t as I have a previous committment. I wish I could do both but I just can’t. There just doesn’t seem to be enough time for me to be everywhere I need/want to be. I guess that’s because I want to do so many things.

I have a thing about fence posts. Not those modern, metal atrocities, but those old fashioned, made from limbs, bent and twisted, no where near perfect, wooden ones. The ones I saw today were some of the oddest ones I’ve ever seen assembled. Some were much taller, some much nubbier than usual, some much skinnier. I loved the variety.

I became aware of old wooden fence posts as I noticed them disappearing. I know all the reasons metal ones are easy and convenient and long lasting and blah blah blah. Must everything in this world be logical? Can we not keep something for the aesthetics?

This afternoon I drove up to Maxwell Game Preserve near Canton. Sitting on top of a hill is a two story staircase, otherwise known as the observation tower. Everytime I go there, I climb it, as if I’m going to see much more than I see from the ground. But, apparently I like risking life and limb on a steep staircase that goes nowhere, with no other humans nearby. I climbed Big Brutus not too long ago. I really need to think about my interest in being on steep staircases with no other humans nearby.

It was a gorgeous day today – sunny and warm. I have not had a day off in awhile, working all weekend on the tea and other work things last weekend so I took about three hours off this afternoon and did this. It helped my mood a bit.

Aside from the snakebite. Well, I can’t be sure of that. But, I think I got bitten by a snake today.

I waded out into the grassy area beside a fence to get a shot of a bunch of fence posts going off into the distance and something bit my ankle. It was the line of posts near the top picture here. I had little holes that were red at first and then faded to nothing. It never swelled. I never felt bad – and still don’t many hours later – but it’s just a little tender on my ankle. Of course, I could have just poked myself with some brush too. I don’t know. I just know I’m still alive and doing fine so it must not have been anything major.

I freaking HATE snakes so the thought that I was even near one, much less that one may have bitten me, does not make me happy. If I wake up in the morning and the flesh on my ankle is black I’m going to be major pissed. Of course, in the snake’s defense, I was in its territory. I don’t do that often, but today I was.

That’s probably why as you enter the place it says to keep your vehicle on the road and stay in your vehicle. I guess that’s not the same as parking your vehicle on the road and walking into the grass to get a picture.

At first I didn’t even consider it could be a snake because I didn’t think they would be out yet. But, when I had cell phone signal I called Greg and he said of course they could be out. His mom chimed in that she had already seen one. Of course, that was an hour later so I figured by that point there wasn’t much to worry about. A little net research tonight tells me that a very tiny percentage of snake bites cause the person to be injected with any significant amount of venom.

If I lived in a country where medical care was a right, and not a priviledge, I would have sought some. But, I live in the United States and am one of those people who work and can’t afford any real health care coverage. So, there we go.

Oh… by the way… the photo was not one of the better ones. Isn’t that the way it always goes?

When I first got out of the car today – at an authorized place for me to be – the observation tower – I remembered something I forget until I go somewhere like this. The prairie has its own distinctive sound. It’s the sound of the wind, but it’s more than that. It’s noise you can feel. I’ve only heard it on the prairie.

The first time I ever heard it was at the wagon trail tracks between Dodge City and Cimarron. It’s something every visitor should experience. The wind blows all the time in Kansas, but when it’s sweeping across a wide open space like this, it surrounds you from every direction all at once. It’s a unique experience.

Additional info:
Apparently it was a snake bite. The ankle swelled and turned red in a circle around the fang marks. It was hot to the touch, and turned a variety of colors before dissipating. It seems sometimes it’s bacteria from the fangs, and not necessarily venon that causes this. The whole thing makes me shudder. Still.