A few folks have asked how I’m doing with the health issues. I’m okay.
When faced with anything like this it’s important to remember that I may look back on this as one of the best things that ever happened to me. This may be a tremendous gift.
Greg brought up at Roy’s yesterday what he should do if there was a decision to be made that was dicey. I told Greg his guiding principle on my behalf is: “I’m not afraid of dying, but I’m very afraid of not living.”
So, if there’s some risky thing to do that can give me normal life, and some “safe” thing to do that’s buying me three years of medical misery, I’ll take my chances with the risky procedure. I have no interest in living only to be praying for death. Quality of life is a huge issue for me.
I’ve given Greg the power to make such choices for me because I trust him completely. I know he’ll make the best choice he can at the time. And whatever happens after that, there will be no questioning on my part regarding any decision he may be faced with. And I don’t want any on anyone else’s part either. Fortunately, my family is great about such things. I know in some families there would be a lot of second guessing. That’s not an issue in my family.
In general I’m just preparing for surgery. I’ve been working on MHA things, getting them done in advance. I got some new things for the MHA office right before the holidays and unfortunately they are just stuck in the office – very messy – and now I can’t move anything. But, I suppose it will wait.
I’m trying to get home set up, too. It’s amazing how things that don’t bother you at all can suddenly become irritants when you can’t do anything about them. Greg will be here but I don’t want to impose on him any more than necessary. And I already have imposed on him a great deal because I can’t lift anything.
All in all, I’m just moving through these days, trying to get mentally prepared for what is to come. I’m very optimistic it’s benign. I think I may look back on this as a positive turning point in my life. Gifts come in all shapes and sizes – maybe even in large grapefruit sizes.
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