I have an ongoing discussion with a friend about “the payoff” people get for various actions. We talk about it in relation to everything from people having drama in their lives to over-eating to dating to worrying to a hundred other things.
My contention is that we get some “payoff” for anything we do. It may not be a good one, and it may not make sense to others, but we’re getting something or we wouldn’t do it. Maybe we overeat because we get a chemical brain rush from doing so. Or maybe we keep ourselves unapproachable and therefore safe. But, whatever the reason, we’re getting something out of it – the payoff.
He thinks I’m completely nuts. But, I continue to believe we don’t repeatedly do anything we’re not getting something out of. It may not be something that makes sense, or is logical, but we’re getting something out of it or we wouldn’t do it. We’re getting some payoff.
My point to all of this is that if we could figure out the payoff we’re getting, we could address the behavior. As of yet, this is a much better working theory for me than a reality. But I think the theory is sound, nonetheless.